Seven teams have clinched playoff spots and four more can do so this weekend: The Cowboys, Falcons and Lions in the NFC and — that’s right — Tim Tebow and the Broncos in the AFC. Of course, there’s still plenty of jockeying for playoff position – home-field advantage, byes, etc.

Here’s how it all breaks down heading into Week 16:

NFC

CLINCHED:

Green Bay Packers — North Division and first-round bye.

San Francisco 49ers — West Division.

New Orleans Saints — Wild-card spot.

ELIMINATED:

Carolina, Minnesota, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Washington.

GREEN BAY PACKERS

Green Bay clinches home-field advantage throughout NFC playoffs:

1) GB win or tie

2) SF loss or tie

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

San Francisco clinches a first-round bye:

1) SF win + NO loss

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

New Orleans clinches NFC South Division:

1) NO win or tie

DALLAS COWBOYS

Dallas clinches NFC East Division:

1) DAL win + NYG loss or tie

2) DAL tie + NYG loss

ATLANTA FALCONS

Atlanta clinches a wild-card spot:

1) ATL win or tie

2) DAL loss or tie + CHI loss or tie + ARI loss or tie

3) NYG loss or tie + CHI loss or tie + ARI loss or tie

DETROIT LIONS

Detroit clinches a wild-card spot:

1) DET win or tie

2) CHI loss or tie + ARI loss or tie + SEA loss or tie + DAL loss or tie

3) CHI loss or tie + ARI loss or tie + SEA loss or tie + NYG loss or tie

4) CHI loss or tie + ARI loss or tie + SEA loss or tie + ATL win or tie

AFC

CLINCHED:

Houston Texans — South Division.

New England Patriots — East Division.

Baltimore Ravens — Wild-card spot.

Pittsburgh Steelers — Wild-card spot.

ELIMINATED:

Buffalo, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Miami, Jacksonville.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

New England clinches a first-round bye:

1) NE win + HOU loss or tie

2) NE win + PIT loss or tie + BAL loss or tie

3) NE tie + HOU loss

4) NE tie + PIT loss + BAL loss

New England clinches home-field advantage throughout AFC playoffs:

1) NE win + HOU loss or tie + PIT loss or tie + BAL loss or tie

BALTIMORE RAVENS

Baltimore clinches AFC North Division:

1) BAL win + PIT loss

Baltimore clinches a first-round bye:

1) BAL win + PIT loss + HOU loss

DENVER BRONCOS

Denver clinches AFC West Division:

1) DEN win + OAK loss or tie

2) DEN tie + OAK loss + SD loss or tie

Denver clinches a wild-card spot:

1) DEN win + NYJ loss + CIN loss + TEN loss or tie

Rule No. 1 of the Internet. Never underestimate the power of monkeys.

On Sunday, a clip of a monkey riding a dog during halftime in Denver struck a chord with NFL.com readers. So, in the spirit of simians, here’s four minutes from “Cowboy Monkey Rodeo Night.” We’d provide more background, but really, what else do you need?

Come for the monkeys herding goats, stay for the progressive rock stylings of Rush.

– Dan Hanzus

Tim Tebow‘s bearhug on popular culture grew ever tighter this weekend when the Broncos QB was the subject of a sketch on venerable TV standard ”Saturday Night Live.”

In the sketch, Jesus Christ visits the Broncos’ locker room after their 13-10 overtime victory over the Bears last Sunday.

Christ (played with common-dude charm by “SNL” vet Jason Sudeikis) told members of the team, including a way-too-eager-to-please Tebow (played by Taran Killam) that he is indeed the reason Denver has won its last six games.

“Here’s the thing, OK?” Sudakis as Christ said. “If we’re gonna keep doing this, you guys gotta meet me halfway out there. I mean, let’s face it: It’s not a good week if every week, I, the son of God, have to come in drop everything and bail out the Denver Broncos in the fourth quarter.”

Christ adds that the team really should be thanking kicker Matt Prater for its latest victory. When Tebow says the only playbook he studies is the Bible, Jesus tells him he should focus on the real playbook.

“Yeah, have you watched the game film, Tim, of the first half?” Christ said. “I mean, c’mon, 3 for 16? I can throw better and I’m 2,010 years old.”

Funny stuff. Watch it here.

– Dan Hanzus

Earlier this year, Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, also known as BPD.

The diagnosis came after three months of treatment and therapy, psychological and neurological exams. Marshall believes the diagnosis and subsequent treatment saved his life.

Marshall’s journey is the focus of ”Brandon Marshall: Borderline Beast,” a documentary slated for release in 2012.

Marshall has stated he wants to “be the face of BPD,” and his decision to be involved in a project this personal certainly speaks to that.

– Dan Hanzus

Count Titans QB Matthew Hasselbeck among the unswayed in response to his kicker’s grassroots bid for the Pro Bowl.

(Tim Sharp/Associated Press)

Rob Bironas and his merry band of followers have posted a YouTube spot encouraging citizens to send the kicker to Hawaii for the Jan. 29 affair between the AFC and NFC all-stars.

“Talk about a shameless pro bowl vote request video,” Hasselbeck tweeted Thursday, after witnessing a steady stream of Nashville-area characters play with the theory that Bironas is the AFC’s finest kicker (in fact, he’s seventh in the NFL in scoring with 92 points, but who’s counting?).

Accompanied by the well-worn “My Bironas” anthem, it’s clear some effort went into this production (and it isn’t nearly as disturbing at Chris Bosh‘s bid for the 2008 NBA All-Star Game), but will it be enough to quell the rising fervor surrounding Billy Cundiff? You can place your vote right here.

Kickers producing self-promotional videos on YouTube — just one of the perks of life in a free nation.

– Marc Sessler

Drew Brees leads the NFL this season with a dizzying 4,366 yards through the air, so it makes sense the Saints’ star QB was chosen to teach our nation’s youth how to measure distance.

And that’s exactly what Brees did as Elmo‘s special guest on “Sesame Street,” in an episode set to air Thursday on PBS.

“Mr. Drew” (as our furry, red friend calls Brees) hit the scene with a ruler and a newfound verve for numbers, measuring Elmo out at 24 inches. The segment, admittedly, grows unusual when Brees then measures Elmo with a potato and a bottle of toothpaste (but it still can’t beat the strangeness of Eric Mangini‘s Elmo run-in).

Brees filmed the segment during the offseason and scored massive points on the home front by bringing his young children to the taping.

“They are definitely a ‘Sesame’ family,” Carol-Lynn Parente, senior vice president and executive producer of the long-running show, told The Times-Picayune.

Toddlers nationwide now recognize Brees as a mathematical wizard. His opponents still are trying to keep up.

– Marc Sessler

Congratulations to the Texans, who have clinched their first playoff berth in franchise history. With three weeks left in the season, there are still eight playoff spots up for grabs. And three teams — the Patriots, Ravens and Steelers — officially have a chance to join the party this weekend.

Here’s a look at the Week 15 playoff scenarios:

NFC

CLINCHED:
Green Bay Packers — North Division and first-round bye
San Francisco 49ers — West Division
New Orleans Saints — wild card spot

ELIMINATED:
Carolina, Minnesota, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Washington

GREEN BAY PACKERS
Green Bay clinches home-field advantage throughout NFC playoffs:
1) GB win or tie
2) SF loss or tie

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
New Orleans clinches South Division title:
1) NO win + ATL loss or tie
2) NO tie + ATL loss

AFC

CLINCHED:
Houston Texans — South Division

ELIMINATED:
Buffalo, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Miami, Jacksonville

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
New England clinches East Division title:
1) NE win
2) NE tie + NYJ loss or tie
3) NYJ loss

New England clinches a wild card spot:
1) NE tie
2) CIN loss or tie + OAK loss or tie + TEN loss or tie

BALTIMORE RAVENS
Baltimore clinches a wild card spot:
1) BAL win or tie
2) NYJ loss + OAK loss or tie
3) NYJ loss + TEN loss or tie
4) OAK loss or tie + TEN loss or tie

PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Pittsburgh clinches a wild card spot:
1) PIT win or tie
2) OAK loss or tie
3) TEN loss or tie
4) DEN loss
5) NYJ loss

Special guest Dennis Green joins Brian Billick for this week’s Coaches Podcast. Get the inside scoop on the hottest news around the league, including the impact on the latest coach firings. Plus, hear Green’s advice for John Fox on how the Broncos can better utilize Tim Tebow.

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

It’s ironic that it took an interception by Jay Cutler for Bears fans to appreciate their QB.

Cutler’s attempted tackle following an interception against the Chargers in Week 11 ended with a fractured thumb and subsequent surgery that has put his season in doubt.

Enter Caleb Hanie, who has relieved Cutler with calamitous results in back-to-back losses.

The fan base’s sense of longing and dread is captured neatly in a YouTube video titled “Cutty Come Back.” If Hanie’s already dealing with confidence issues, we suggest teammates, friends and family keep him away from the Internet.

(Keep an eye out for a killer star wipe at 1:09.)

– Dan Hanzus

Amid a recent rash of YouTube footage depicting young people in various states of disrepair over the failures of the Vikings, Jets and Eagles — we catch wind of this.

Under the direction of schoolteacher Ms. Goleski, kindergartners at Neptune Beach Elementary, just outside of Jacksonville, issued a warm holiday-season-infused welcome to Shahid Khan, the Illinois businessman tapped to take over as owner of the Jaguars.

It’s clear the mustachioed wheeler and dealer has already won the hearts of Jacksonville’s youth. Next up: The NFL’s ownership committee, which will vote next week on Khan’s bid to buy the team from Wayne Weaver for a reported $760 million.

Nice work, children.

– Marc Sessler

Thanks, Shutdown Corner.

With four weeks left in the season, there are still six division crowns and 10 total playoff spots up for grabs. Congratulations to the Packers and 49ers, who have clinched the NFC North and West, respectively. Meanwhile, here’s a look at what can happen this week:

NFC

CLINCHED:
Green Bay Packers — North Division
San Francisco 49ers — West Division

ELIMINATED:
Minnesota, St. Louis

GREEN BAY PACKERS
Green Bay clinches a first-round bye:
1) GB win
2) GB tie + NO loss or tie
3) NO loss

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
New Orleans clinches South Division title:
1) NO win + ATL loss

New Orleans clinches wild card spot:
1) NO win + DET loss
2) NO win + CHI loss

AFC

CLINCHED: None
ELIMINATED: Indianapolis, Jacksonville

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
New England clinches East Division title:
1) NE win + NYJ loss

HOUSTON TEXANS
Houston clinches South Division title:
1) HOU win + TEN loss

PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Pittsburgh clinches wild card spot:
1) PIT win + CIN loss + NYJ loss + TEN loss
2) PIT win + CIN loss + NYJ loss + DEN loss + OAK loss
3) PIT win + CIN loss + TEN loss + DEN loss + OAK loss

Bill Cosby can deliver punch lines and Jell-O pitches (not to mention rock some technicolored sweaters). Now he’s delivering this message: Tim Tebow is no joke, and you’d better buy what he’s selling.

Cosby posted a YouTube video in which he does his best John Madden impression — “Boom! Boom!” — and advises Tebow to watch “old films of Joe Kapp.” Good thing he didn’t recommend the “new films of Joe Kapp.”

It’s clear Cosby, who played two seasons of football at Temple University, is fully behind Tebow. And Tebow is appreciative of adding yet another backer after his 6-1 start as the Broncos’ QB, tweeting to Cosby: “Thank you Mr. Cosby! Really appreciate your support! Big fan of yours…and Jell-o too haha MT.”

Maybe the two can meet over an ice-cold bowl of the lime-green stuff March 31, when Cosby is scheduled to visit Denver on his tour. At age 74.

– Justin Hathaway

When did we — as a society — decide it was OK to videotape our anguished NFL-loving children and put it on the Internet?

First, there was the sobbing girl devastated by the Vikings’ ineptitude, then the despondent boy who had an impressive perspective on both the Jets and the AFC playoff picture.

Now, we meet a distraught young Eagles fan named Christopher, who has a guttural reaction to the precision of Patriots star Tom Brady.

In all three cases, parents seize on the emotional vulnerability of their children in hopes of YouTube fame.

We understand we are complicit in this ugly activity by posting the videos. So this is the last one. Stop torturing your kids. It won’t get you on NFL.com anymore.

Unless it’s really funny.

– Dan Hanzus

This time last week, there was plenty of buzz that the 49ers had a chance to become the first team in the NFL to clinch a playoff spot this season. A Thanksgiving night loss to the Ravens delayed that inevitability, and it also opens the door for the defending Super Bowl champion Packers to become the first team with an asterisk next to their names in this season’s standings.

Here are the playoff scenarios heading into Week 13:

NFC

CLINCHED: None
ELIMINATED: Minnesota, St. Louis.

GREEN BAY PACKERS
Green Bay clinches North Division title:
1) GB win + DET loss or tie
2) GB tie + CHI loss or tie + DET loss
3) CHI loss + DET loss

Green Bay clinches a playoff spot:
1) GB win
2) GB tie + CHI loss or tie
3) CHI loss
4) ATL loss
5) DET loss
6) NO loss + ATL tie

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS
San Francisco clinches West Division title:
1) SF win or tie
2) SEA loss or tie + ARI loss or tie

AFC

CLINCHED: None
ELIMINATED: Indianapolis

Alert: Blue-hair fight!

When grizzled Canadian Football League rivals Joe Kapp and Angelo Mosca ran into each other Friday at an honorary, pre-Grey Cup luncheon, their longtime feud reignited in a bizarre scenario that would have made Bobby “The Brain” Heenan grin with evil delight.

Check the film: These 70-somethings can’t contain themselves, with a super-grumpy Mosca lashing at Kapp with a cane after the former Vikings and Patriots QB wagged a flower in his face. Kapp proceeds to drill Mosca with a devastating right hook.

Down goes Mosca.

Bad blood between the two has flowed for decades, dating to the 1963 Grey Cup. During that precious affair, Mosca — a Hamilton Tiger-Cats defensive lineman widely considered to be the meanest player of his time — injured a helpless Lions running back who was already down on the field, a moment Kapp obviously held onto.

Still, we’re a tad suspicious of this outrageous display: Mosca rolls around town known as “King Kong Mosca,” the former pro wrestler. The guy has been in roughly 4,000 fake fights. Was this one real?

Either way, nice work sending totally mixed signals to our nation’s youth, fellas.

Thanks, BBC and Peter King.

– Marc Sessler