Social (Fantasy) Network: Can’t get right

One quiet evening, I went digging through the DVD collection and pulled the classic Office Space out of the bunch. It’s one of the most quotable comedies of the past 15 years and actually spawned the name of one of my fantasy football teams. (It’s the phrase Michael Bolton the office drone used to describe Michael Bolton the singer.)

While the opening scene in the movie isn’t particularly remembered as one of its funniest, watching Peter Gibbons unsuccessfully try to find a faster lane of traffic is good for a laugh, because we’ve all been there. It’s like going to the store to buy a single pack of bacon only to stand behind the guy who’s using coupons and paying for his 12 cans of cat food with pennies. Sometimes, you just can’t get it right.

Which brings us to this week’s Social (Fantasy) Network discussion — the one guy on your roster you just can’t figure out for anything. He’s slumping and has a bad matchup, so you sit him only to watch a 25-point explosion happen on your bench. The following week, that guy’s in your lineup and rewards you with a whopping 2.5 points. Thanks for nothing. So here’s your chance to vent over the guys who are more confusing than Ikea instructions … starting with the player who probably best epitomizes fantasy frustration.

Whatever the opposite of #KABOOM is … VJax is that. But when it comes to worrisome wide receivers, few can compare to the constant roulette wheel that exists in New Orleans. Just ask Britt.

The good news, Britt, is that Moore won’t play this week so you can sit him with confidence. The bad news is that it gives someone else a chance to make your brain itch. Speaking of itchy brains…

I’m amused, Dan. Then again, I also subscribe to Mel Brooks’ theory on tragedy versus comedy. I also subscribe to #Belitricks, which fit perfectly into this scenario.

And what are #Belitricks without #Shanahanigans?

That’s not so much a Shanahanigan as it is a Zig-field Folly. Then there’s just the issue of out-thinking yourself, a la Laureen.

Just ride that RG3 train ’til the wheels fall off, Laureen. But if it makes you feel better, Cam Newton has caused problems for others as well.

Charlie, look on the Brightside (sorry, couldn’t resist), you could be Alex.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say it wasn’t Week 1.

Anywho … the last word this week goes to Josh.

Yes, kissing up to us does increase your chances of making it into this column — even if we don’t believe you. Nonetheless, hopefully all your choices this week are good ones and keep an eye out for next week’s #SocialFF question. Happy Week 5 everybody!

– Marcas Grant
Follow Marcas on Twitter @MarcasG

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