I literally can’t wait to find out the stunning result to the Martellus Bennett fat saga…

Is this Martellus Bennett?

Training camp is around the corner, and in a month and a half, we’ll be scattered around the country reporting from these locales. As yesterday reminded me, I am already amped up to get it started. I mean, what could be better than showing up at a camp, checking in on the key players…

And reporting who is fat and who isn’t.

You can all thank the Martellus Bennett saga this week — where his weight was called into question and elicited a fantastic response — for putting me in this mind frame. Can’t help it, sorry.

For those who don’t know, Bennett was called out for being 291 pounds by a coach. He then conducted an interview shirtless, asking if he looked like Atlas or Professor Klump. I guess he meant Atlas, but Klump is funnier.

It stands out now as my favorite interview of the spring, with the wacky and ridiculous Bennett flashing his alleged six-pack abs standing out as the center point of all absurd things. But man oh man, I look forward to the dramatic conclusion. I eagerly anticipate finding out how much Bennett weighs during camp. Is he 283? 271? All the way down to 268? Ack!

How great is this, right? Does it get better than the weight of a No. 2 tight end?

Bear in mind, I have a long history of ridiculing weight-releated stories, and I feel this is the perfect opportunity. Back when I covered Alabama, I reported extensively on the every-single-year stories of left tackle Andre Smith’s ballooning and shrinking waist. Amazing how he’d show up fat, get skinny, get fat before the bowl, then get skinny again. I think I actually did a story on the color-coded system of eating that Nick Saban designed.

Then, when he left, it was on to nose tackle Terrence Cody and his forever-indelible weight-loss stories. Sure, he could dunk, but he was 380! Excuse me TC, how fat are you?

It’s really the follow-up questions that make this gold. Are you eating more salads? Are you as fast as you were (as if players ever know)? Did you have to buy new clothes (been there, dude)? Ah… it’s all such good stuff.

I’m a big fan of the Giants beat writing crew, so I solicited more detail on Bennett’s weight to get prepared for the onslaught of stories in July. Thankfully, Mike Garafolo of the Star Ledger kept me up to date with this and this. Ah, isn’t it awesome?

In all seriousness, what’s the point of all this? Well…

That guys who show up 30 pounds overweight and then claim to have a six-pack are odd? Sure. That Bennett will be fun to listen to all year? Yup. But really… let’s get this season here so we can write about real stuff. Because if he’s productive, he could way 560 pounds and none of us will care. Except maybe his tailor.

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