NFL players will be allowed to tweet during the Pro Bowl. But before you get too excited, realize players will not be using their own personal devices. Rather, they will be using designated kiosks on the sidelines. Admittedly, this is a bummer because my dream was to see Greg Jennings tweet during a long run to the end zone.
Probably just as well, though. Judging from the performance of the Packers’ receivers against the Giants, Jennings would have just dropped the phone anyway. Zing!
But let’s think of the baby steps. If the players want the NFL to relax its rules in future endeavors, we really need to make this count. Here are a few “dos” and “don’ts” to adhere to. Normally, this would be the domain of self-important Twitter czar Darren Rovell, but I believe he’s currently engaging in a direct message battle with David Letterman‘s writing staff, and understandably is a little busy.
So here is the list:
- Don’t try to tell people your account was hacked. That is the Twitter equivalent of telling people you’re a thin-skinned louse who just lost an internet fight. Just ask Santonio Holmes, who did this before. And seriously, you’re on the sidelines. We can see you tweeting.
- Do tweet from somebody else’s account if they are foolish enough to leave it open. If Andy Dalton just left the kiosk with his account open, don’t be afraid to tweet out … “I hate being a red head and I wish I went to Texas.”
- If Tony Romo just left the kiosk with his account open … oh wait, he’s not a Pro Bowl player.
- Do find out if there is a camera on this twitter kiosk. Remember, there are cheerleaders on the sidelines. Do the math.
- But Sebastian Janikowski, don’t take any self portraits if there is a camera available. (Hey, we’re doppelgangers, I can say it.)
- Do avoid talking about religion on twitter. Save it for Tim Tebow’s press conferences.
- Don’t blame God if you drop a sure touchdown pass. Stevie Johnson learned this the hard way. And now he’s really paying for it because Ryan Fitzpatrick is still the Bills’ quarterback.
- Do follow the example of Arian Foster‘s Twitter account. Best NFL player on Twitter. A recent example from this morning: “Mimosas are just a euphemism for morning alcoholics.” Funny and to the point.
- Don’t be like Chad Ochocinco. He has more than two million Twitter followers. All of whom think he’s a dope and knows nothing about politics.
- Don’t be like Rashard Mendenhall, who thought he knew too much about politics and created a stir when he tweeted this out earlier this year. Don’t tweet out anything needing more than 140 characters to explain.
- Don’t brag about the weather or all of the awesome parties you have attended in Hawaii. We’re jealous enough already.
- Do put a thumb drive in your pants to upload embarrassing photos from those awesome parties you aren’t supposed to be tweeting about. We’re counting on you, Aaron Rodgers for a few photobombs.
- Do call your shot if you are about to do something really cool. Like I could see Jared Allen calling for a sack right before he does it.
- Don’t incur a delay of game penalty because you are spending time tweeting when you should be running out on to the field. Though, maybe that’s what happened to Billy Cundiff in the AFC Championship Game.
- Do try to find a way to incorporate the kiosk into the end zone celebration, though. You know Steve Smith is likely plotting this already.
- Don’t ask if we just saw your great play. Seriously, this is the Pro Bowl. Nobody is watching.
So I guess you can say your account has been hacked.
Any more suggestions? Reach Adam Rank via Twitter.