Steelers LB James Harrison left no doubt about his feelings for Roger Goodell during a recent magazine interview, saying that he wouldn’t urinate on the commissioner if he were on fire. Harrison also targeted Ben Roethlisberger, Rashard Mendenhall, Brian Cushing and Rodney Harrison, among others — though he didn’t say what he would do if he found them on fire.
The news generated headlines and after talking with Paul Solotaroff, author of the Men’s Journal story, for the Dave Dameshek Football Program, the whole thing seems to be a bit calculated. Harrison is no dummy, so this is starting to come off like a professional wrestling angle. In fact, CM Punk is having a similar war of words with his boss, Vince McMahon.
How similar? Well, you be the judge. Below are 12 quotes from Harrison and Punk. See if you can tell who said what.
1. “I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing (the commissioner’s) ass.”
2. “I don’t want to hurt nobody. I don’t want to step on nobody’s foot or hurt their toe.”
3. “I’ve been the best since day one when I walked into this. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because (my coach) saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit.”
4. “I’ve grabbed so many of (the boss’) brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that they’re just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best. Nobody can touch me!”
5. “That boy is juiced out of his mind.”
6. “And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little collector cups. I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted.”
7. “Superman ain’t got nothing on me. Kryptonite? C’mon now. It’s just that you’re never going to hear me say that somebody is tougher than me … Because I don’t believe somebody else could be tougher than me.”
8. “I try to hurt people.”
9. “I will kick you in the (expletive) and you will smile at me and like it and show me some respect.”
10.“(He’s) a crook and a puppet … I hate him and will never respect him.”
11. “Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on Ebay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job.”
12. “The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. (The commissioner) is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, non-sensical, (censored) yes men, like (employee), who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company will better after (the boss) is dead.”
Harrison: 2, 5, 7, 8, 10
Punk: 1, 3, 4, 6, 9, 11, 12