Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco will be going to Kansas City next week to try out and train with soccer team, Sporting KC. Apparently, Ochocinco has turned into an 8-year old girl during the lockout. Just kidding. But Ochocinco is halfway there to being a great soccer player, seeing that he has a bad haircut, goes by one name and he falls to the ground at the slightest hint of contact.
And nobody has popularized No. 85 on the soccer pitch, either, so this will be good for him. Because if you have followed his Twitter account, you know that he needs something to do.
Well, of course, after he has paid his clothing bill. Seriously, somebody get this guy a Kohl’s card, stat. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever paid more than $9 for any article of clothing from that store, including the tuxedo I wore to my wedding.
So as Ochocinco approaches this lockout the same way that Jeff Spicoli embraced summer vacation, here are a few jobs that Chad can participate in. Because, to quote
Jeff Brad Hamilton, “you need money.”
6. Lead on “Two and a Half Men”
Three weeks on the set, and producers will be begging Charlie Sheen to return.
5. Ochocinco Day Care Center
Ochocinco threatened to move in with Carson Palmer two summers ago and watch his newborn twins. But watching Antonio Cromartie’s brood would be much more lucrative.
4. Reality television
He had his run on “Dancing with the Stars,” and the “Ultimate Catch” delivered no ratings. But a run on “Survivor” would be awesome. Not because he would have a chance to win, but him on an island for 40 days would just be good for the rest of us.
3. The voice of the Aflac duck
Gilbert Gottfried was fired from this spokesman job for Aflac after some insensitive tweets following the earthquakes in Japan. I would like to see Ochocinco take this in a different direction.
2. Celebrity roaster
If anybody saw Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino on the Comedy Central roast of Donald Trump, apparently they let anybody do this. Well, except for the real comics who spent their Tuesday night waiting two hours to get six minutes of stage time in front of seven people. And you hate to see comics bomb, but since The Situation isn’t a comic, we can all laugh at him.
And for the record, our guy Warren Sapp killed during the roast of Larry the Cable Guy. And as Warren told me today, he really was friends with Larry, who was a fan of the Buccaneers.
Did anybody think that this boxing card was a bad idea? I’m telling you, this can work.
Don’t let me have all of the fun. What are some of the jobs you could see Ochocinco chasing after?