With the 2010 NFL season over, I am comforted by the words of the immortal Stork, who, when Delta was kicked off campus in “Animal House,” uttered, “Well, what the hell we s’posed to do, you moron?”
No, really, what are we supposed to do now that the football season is over? Many of us are left standing here, like Hugh Jackman on Radio Row, wondering what the hell to do.
Even the NBA mocked us by having the Celtics and Lakers play on Thursday night instead of giving us something to look forward to on Sunday. Why is everybody out to get us? Well don’t worry, I have the answers with my top six things to do.
6. Get into combine shape
I picked up a pizza from a Slice of New York on Monday night, and then was mocked by guys in half-shirts and shorts running up and down Main Street in Seal Beach as part of their core training at the gym next door. And yes the obvious question, why did the city planners allow a gym to go next door to the best pizza place in town? All I know is that you feel as low as a snake’s belly, which, incidentally, is where mine is hanging.
So let’s get into shape. You don’t want to watch the NFL Scouting Combine in two weeks and see these athletic wonders put in amazing workouts while you are sitting there eating your fifth fistful of Skippy peanut butter.
5. Do a mock fantasy draft
Hey, who said fantasy drafts are only for early September? Invite your league over to the house, fire up the BBQ (if you live in Southern California) and get your mock draft started. This will give you added time to hate your team well before the summer starts.
4. Put together your own Top 100 list
NFL Network spent a lot of time this year putting together its list of the Top 100 players in NFL history. And it was a good list, except for having Peyton Manning way too high at No. 8. And the fans had him inexplicably at No. 5. Manning ahead of Dan Marino? Heresy.
Sometimes the most enjoyable part of an NFL Sunday is sitting around discussing anything football related. No reason to stop now. Put together your list, start arguing with your buddies, and then resolve things the mature way by unfriending each other on Facebook.
3. Football movie marathon
The movies are up to you, and really, this could end up being a Pick Six some time down the road. Here is what I suggest for you on Sunday: “Rudy,” “School Ties,” “All the Right Moves,” “The Program” and “The Replacements.” And for an added measure, mix in a little “Point Break.” Not your classic football movie per se, but you can break down Johnny Utah vs. Shane Falco. And it will give you a reason to shout, “Utah, gimme two” when you friend makes a beer run.
2. NFL Films marathon
Not to sound like a shill, but we have a full assortment of NFL Films presents and America’s Game here that really beats the pants off the motion pictures mentioned above (except “School Ties,” because that is the only football movie I can reckon that has a fight-in-the-shower scene, but still).
This is a good place to mention that I met Steve Sabol at the Super Bowl last Sunday. I don’t want to say that I got choked up while telling Steve how much his and his dad’s works meant to me as a youth and how glad I was that Ed Sabol was elected to the Hall of Fame, but I shed more tears than Dick Vermeil and Marty Schottenheimer watching “The Notebook.”
1. Play the 2010 season all over again
When was the last time you spent some time with your significant other –- John Madden? So break out the Madden NFL ’11 and replay the whole season over again. I plan to take over the Chargers, have Marcus McNeill and Vincent Jackson on the roster prior to Week 1 and see how much different things could have been.
Or I guess you could just go outside and play or something. But that’s crazy talk.