Thanks to the fine folks over at TMZ sports, we learned this week that Chad Ochocinco and his reported (but unconfirmed) new reality TV star fiancée Evelyn Lozada have been offered a new show by VH1 chronicling their engagement.
Yaaaawnnnnnn. Somehow, this barely made a blip on the radar. Maybe we’ve reached our collective limit on how much Ochocinco we can digest. In the business, I believe this is called overexposure.
Still, that’s not to say there might not be other active NFL players out there worth watching if they had a reality show. Narrowing this list wasn’t easy. Hank Baskett, Terrell Owens and Dhani Jones were automatically disqualified. After a taxing process of pulling names off the top of my head, here we go:
6. Troy Polamalu
Going through the experience of Polamalu’s pregame efforts to get his hair into his helmet may be worth it alone. We’ve watched worse. But the soft-spoken Polamalu is a paradox of an NFL player. No way a guy that soft=spoken should be able to hit that hard. Does he scream at people during games when his hair gets pulled? The Steelers defense completely collapsed last season when he (along with Aaron Smith) went out. Yet, we know next to nothing about him. He has to be on a list of best NFL players we know nothing about. I say mic up Polamalu for games, let it roll for 30 minutes. Everything else is a bonus.
5. Brett Favre
Like you wouldn’t watch? C’mon. Favre easily has the most interesting life of any 41-year-old I know, and when little-known aspects of his life from two years ago surface, things only seem to get more interesting. He may or may not like his coach, he can barely walk to the podium for news conferences and he could be one loss away from playing his last game. Plus, he likes to say “Chilly” a lot. At the very least, Favre could retire at any moment, a point in the show which would make a sharp left turn and bring us all back to the farm in Hattiesburg, Miss. Maybe it goes into HGTV-mode and we pick up some good tips on landscaping or tractor maintenance. I’m in.
4. Tom Brady
This is kind of a gimme. Lovely hair, lovely wife, lovely magazine covers, lovely little career going. There’s got to be something else there. I want to know. In the season I spent around Brady, he seemed like a very cool guy. Would be ranked higher but has inherent boredom factor and risk of turning into “The Stepford Wives” of reality shows.
3. Matt Birk
Yes, a surprising (and somewhat biased) pick. But I still have a sneaking suspicion that one of the NFL’s smartest players spends his offseason sneaking back to his alma mater (Harvard) to hang with his home boys and pick up a janitor position at the world’s most prestigious technical institute nearby, where he solves advanced algorithms on the hallway chalkboard at night … ohhh, wait. I guess we could see what else Birk does, too.
2. Santonio Holmes
Holmes has a colorful past and a well-documented reputation for interesting Tweets (errr, wake ‘n bake, really?) and ill-timed refusals to turn off his iPod. He’s immensely talented, young, works
in near Manhattan and plays for Rex Ryan. Trust me that you would want to know what it’s like to hang with Holmes. And there it is: “Hangin’ with Holmes.” I want the cameras to be rolling when something/anything/nothing happens.
1. Ray Lewis
Perhaps the most inspiring and passionate player in the league. The human element is fascinating: Over the last 10 years, he’s gone from someone implicated (and later exonerated) in a murder charge to starring in national TV commercials for Old Spice. The entire time, he’s remained one of the best players at his position and will go down as one of the all-time greats. He seems to be friends with every player in the league. He’s heavily involved in charitable activities, including his own foundation. This would be nothing but interesting.
Honorable mentions: Peyton Manning (is he a robot?), Clinton Portis, Visanthe Shiancoe, Darnell Dockett, Jared Allen, Matt Light, Chris Cooley and Michael Vick.